I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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