Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
