I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
