totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize