I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
