you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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