I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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