Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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