Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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