i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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