dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
