You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
