My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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