Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
