It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just saw a hot homeless man
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You're like the curious george of whores
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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