Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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