If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
