I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
