My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
