Are we in a gay sports bar?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
