I'm really into asian looking animals
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
