i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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