I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
