I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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