his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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