Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Do vagina's smell?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
