I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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