Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
