someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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