He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
