did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
