It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
