but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize