love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
