You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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