what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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