apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
zippers are such a cool invention
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
