I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
