I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
