Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
no more duck duck goose at the bar
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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