i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
