yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
