I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
