Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
