My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
