i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
