i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
