i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
