i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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