Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
