How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
