who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
