so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
