The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
