Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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