God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
where are my eyebrows?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
