i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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