That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
