YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
