There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
