haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
