I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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