Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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