Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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