I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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