Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
ttyl tear gas
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
