it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
