at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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